30 Reasons to trade your Shar Pei for a Cat

1. When a cat crawls into your lap, you do not get ruptured.
   
   
2. Cats use a dinky little box instead of three square yards of your best lawn.
   
   
3. Cats don't go stark-raving bonkers when the alarm goes off in the morning.
   
   
4. When a Shar Pei wakes you with a manic yodel, it can take you till noon to pry your eyelids out of your skull.
   
   
5. Cats don't like soggy rawhide chews, nylon bones or SML's (Strange, Malodorous Lumps that come in two sizes: big/wet/stinky and bigger/wetter/stinkier).
   
   
6. Cats don't hide SML's under cushions.
   
   
7. With a cat you never have to coax the Avon lady out of your favorite Oak tree with the lame excuse: "He just wants to be friends".
   
   
8. Cats don't drool.
   
   
9. Cats don't expel enough gas to run a bus.
   
   
10. When the meter reader finds a cat grinning beside him, he doesn't break out in pants-wetting conniptions.
    
    
11. Cats don't snore - and if they do, they don't wake the entire street.
    
    
12. Walls don't tremble when a cat scratches.
    
    
13. Cats don't pick up stainless steel food bowls and thwack them down on the tile floor the morning after the night before.
    
    
14. Cats don't jump through screen doors.
    
    
15. When two cats play, it doesn't register 9 on the Richter Scale.
    
    
16. Cats don't think windows look unnatural without an inch-thick layer of spit and slobber.
    
    
17. Cats don't hide half a pound of dirt between their toes, sneak into the guest-room and start dancing on the crochet bedspread your dear grandmother (rest her soul) patiently made 50 years ago.
    
    
18. Cats don't wallop your elbow when you are drinking something hot - causing you to walk like you have a nappy rash for a week.
    
    
19. Cats learn that if they build up speed coming down the passage and then take a sharp turn into the kitchen, nothing good can come of it when they hit the polished floor.
    
    
20. Cats don't suddenly sprout 28 legs and explode in all directions when you say: "Let's go for a walk".
    
    
21. When a cat feels happy, it doesn't think it has to bounce up and down and cripple you.
    
    
22. Cats don't eat small trees.
    
    
23. Cats don't spit up a curious mixture of grass/dog-food/bird-seed/shreds of plastic laundry basket/pieces of a missing letter from the Receiver and stringy, repugnant strands of orange-and-green god-knows-what-it-is, on the carpet - and just as your stomach rolls, decide to recycle it.
    
    
24. Cats don't think the  arrival of the garbage truck at 5 am signals a terrorist attack to be loudly repelled.
    
    
25. Cats don't think your arthritic old mother is a pull-toy.
    
    
26. You don't have to page through wrinkles to get to your cat's eyes.
    
    
27. Cats don't fix you a warm affectionate stare, put their noses close to yours - and belch.
    
    
28. A cat won't eat the spine of your 1955 stamp collection you picked up for $50 and is now worth less than $2.
    
    
29. An ancient Chinese saying states that to be a successful Shar Pei owner, you have to be smarter and stronger than your dog. Forget it! Like most old sayings it is rubbish. Only tow-trucks and gorillas are stronger than a Shar Pei and as for being smarter. I don't know if it is intelligence or animal cunning, but when a Shar Pei gives you a blank stare, there's a 5th generation computer ticking away in that beef head and the best you can aim for is intellectual parity.
    
    
30. Cats don't own you.